No Excuses!

Over the past almost 2 years I have been struggling with anger and mood swings. I remember the moment that it started. I was pregnant with Ella and it was like snap I had a meltdown and I haven't been the same since. I feel like I used to be a fun mom and I used to be able to laugh at silly things and do silly things, but now I just feel so wound up and angry at the silliest things. I do still have good days, but life is bumpy most of the time. I just don't feel good. I don't feel good about myself. I don't feel good about my mothering. I don't feel good about my mood. I just don't feel right!

I've mentioned before that I started going to therapy before the miscarriage and I've continued going on a pretty regular basis...about once every 2 weeks. Therapy has helped, but now I feel like it's time to get more help. Today I have a doctor's appointment to talk about my depression and possibly get help through medication. This is so hard because I am not a pill popper! In fact I hate them....but I need to get better. This is an illness and it's an illness that can be helped. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and finally give in and decide that I need help and then get help and feel better and think I could have been feeling good for 10 years. As it is it's already been 2 years! 2 years of pushing this aside and finding excuses...I'm just having a bad day...I'm just tired...I'm just hormonal...It's the weather....It's because I'm sick! Excuses, excuses...no more! I want to be a happy and fun mom that gets to enjoy these short sweet years and not have to fake it. Life is too short to miss out on these wonderful blessings that I've been given.