So yesterday was a not so good kind of a day. We were doing really good with the new discipline method over the weekend, but now I'm doing it by myself. When things happen in the moment I have a hard time catching myself and knowing what to do. Thankfully I never did get upset, but I did have to call Michael for advice after one particular incident that I had idea how to handle. The boys are just testing me and seeing if they can get away with their old tricks and now that their old tricks are working they are upping their game. Totally expected! In addition to Daddy being at work we also had Logan on Tuesday and Wednesday so that adds a new twist to the whole process as well. Now they have to share me with someone else...another reason to try harder to get my attention.
When Michael got home I finished up dinner and then once Jen got here to pick up Logan I went out. I needed to get out of the house anyways and do some grocery shopping and it was definitely needed time away. I also needed to go to Bath & Body Works to get more hand soap since it's on sale right now. As I pulled into parking lot my phone rang...it was my OBGYN's office. The test results were in....there were no chromosomal abnormalities with the baby! I'm kind of confused by this...I think in my head I thought if they told me there was something wrong I would perhaps feel better (that's not the right word) about the baby dying. Like there was something wrong so it couldn't survive outside my womb. I know that there still could have been something wrong like a whole in the heart or other issues, but in regards to chromosomes the baby was fine. From a medical stand point that is a very good thing since some of those chromosomal abnormalities can be reoccurring...thankfully we don't have to worry about that.
The nurse was also able to tell me the sex of the baby....it was a boy! I was totally shocked! I was sure it was a girl, but then I got to thinking. The reason I was SO sure it was a girl was because the pregnancy symptoms were so similar to my pregnancy with Ella. BUT, the symptoms like acne and losing my hair actually started to happen AFTER the baby had already died. I carried the baby for 3 weeks after he died so those were actually a lack of pregnancy symptoms. After the kids were in bed I told Michael about the phone call and he said he knew it was a boy. I pushed him further and he just said he knew from the beginning it was boy. Now I find myself thinking what would he have looked like..smelled like...felt like? My baby boy! It makes it more real and more raw all over again!
This morning Michael and I talked about it and we've decided to give him the original boy name we had picked out for him....Kyan William Martin!
What a beautiful name. I so sorry for you loss and so happy for the information they provided for you. I wish I knew they could do that. I would have demanded it for me. I will have to wait until I get to heaven to learn of mine. Thank you for sharing your joys and tragedies with us all. We love you.
ReplyDeleteP.s. The lemonshine for the dishwasher works AMAZINGLY
What a blessing that they were able to find out the gender. Hopefully, that brings you some sense of closure. What a lovely, unique name!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry they couldn't give you a reason. Answers are always comforting.
In regards to the parenting, there were MANY phone calls made to Corbin in the first week I was alone! It is definitely hard to think on your toes in the midst of it all! I know I'm going to have to back track a bit, when we're back home and back into our normal routine. I have gotten a bit lax being gone and without Corbin, but that's just how things go sometimes : ) Keep up the good work!