Today was a big struggle for me. To be honest ever since I found out the baby was a boy I've been struggling. I was really just starting to feel a lot better and now those wounds have been reopened. It's like when you accidentally rip off a scab and your cut starts bleeding again. It hurts! I'm so frustrated and just plain grumpy most of the time.
This morning my mom came with me to get Jack's 3 year pictures taken and it was just awful and so completely frustrating. Jack did not want anything to do with it. He was whiny practically from the moment he got out of bed this morning and that just continued right on through the pictures. The photographer we got at Sears was the worst we've ever had. We were trying to get Jack to smile and she wasn't doing anything. I actually had to ask if she had any tricks up her sleeves to get him to smile and that she could use them now. Amazingly she did get a few shots that are good....I'm still in shock over that!
Then this afternoon I spent an hour cleaning the van in order to get Jack's new big boy booster seat in the van and it won't fit! For months I have been waiting for Jack to be big enough to go in a booster seat in order for all 3 of the kids' car seats to fit in the back of the van. Owen on the left, Ella in the middle and Jack on the right. That way I can take out one of the captain seats in the middle of the van and Logan can go in the other one. Without having one of the captain seats in the van it makes getting the kids in the way back SO much easier! But now that's all shot to hell....I was so mad! I guess I still am! I am going to look online to see if there is a car seat for Ella that is skinnier so it can work. If we do ever have another child we are going to have to have all 3 of the kids in the back anyways.
Then to top it off I checked the mail! Yeah how bad can that be? Oh...bad! See it's not enough that I lost my baby and had to have a D & C. Oh no...now I also have a bill for over 2K from the surgery to removed said baby from my body! Salt in the wound!!! Seriously that sucked! Thank God for insurance because the original bill was over 8K, but still! I did have Medical Coupon for myself while I was pregnant, but now I'm not. I'm not sure if that medical coverage will cover a D & C. I didn't give the hospital my DSHS information, but on Monday I am going to call Swedish and see if the state will cover some of this cost.
I don't know...I feel like I've taken a few steps backwards in my healing and it's frustrating. I was really starting to feel stable and now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. My hormones are getting all situated again too so I know that had contributed to some this "downerness" that I feel right now. I have another therapy appt on Friday and I hope that will help some.
So sorry, friend. Grieving is such a process. There's no easy way around it : (
ReplyDeleteAND medical bills suck!!
About the car seats, Sunshine Kids makes the narrowest car seat on the market. They are expensive, but the are also super high quality, not just narrow. Not sure how badly you need to get all 3 seats in the back, but it's an option.
Hang in there...it will get better : - )
Yes, they will take the coupon. I had to have a D&C and it was covered. What a crappy day. I have 3 car seats in the back. I have the britax for Asya, and 2 cheap graco's with high backs which are removable. They are really tights. Oh ya I had to take the arm rest off both of them that was against the center car seat so it fit better and they could buckle their seat belts. Hope that helps.
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