Even though I was getting ready for vacation I was still trying to finish up a few things in regards to decorating. Since Zeke came I needed to move the belly pictures of our kids to a bigger wall. I also decided it was time to put Brayden's memorial with those pictures as well.
As for Kyan's memorial I had never actually gotten around to making it yet. It was not something I was looking forward to at all. With Brayden making his memorial really helped me heal, but when it came to Kyan the only thing I have to remember him is his ultrasound picture. It's really hard for me to look at that picture knowing that just a few days after it was taken his heart stop beating. It brings up all sorts of emotions that I don't like feeling.
It's been over a year so I have been feeling better, but I would say since Zeke was born it's almost been harder. Knowing that Kyan was a boy and seeing how precious and wonderful Zeke is it's hard not to think that Kyan would be just as cute as Zeke and wishing I was holding both of them. I am a mom to 6 babies, but I can only hold 4 of them right now. My heart hurts for the two I never got to hold and I long for the day when I will get to!
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