Ella Is Officially Dating!

Edited: They both read this post and were completely okay with me posting it. I would never post something without their permission! 

 Okay let's start at the beginning. Ella started going to youth group during the summer of 2022 and there weren't any girls attending at that time. Thankfully that has changed now, but at the time it was just her and she was actually okay with it. She has 3 brothers so she's used to being around boys. During her time at youth group she got to know a particular boy his name is Justine. They would hang out, laugh and have a good time together on Wednesday nights.

Justine didn't volunteer at the Fall Festival last year, but he hung out for a bit. Obviously he's the one sitting next to Ella. This was when I really took notice that he was kind of her shadow whenever they were together...always following her around and you could tell he really enjoyed making her laugh. 

A little bit after this I asked Ella if she liked anyone and she said, "Justine!" She really wanted him to know that she liked him, but she didn't know what she should do. I told her she could just write him a note if that would make it easier. So that's just what she did. She wrote a note that basically said she liked him, she thought he was a very nice person and she really wanted to get to know him better. She even put that if he didn't like her that way that it was okay she'd be happy just being friends. 

This started the over 2 months of weirdness on Justine's part. He didn't really know what to do with that information and instead of talking to Ella about it he just avoided her and stuck close to his mom and once church was over they left. Ella of course was upset. She was mad that she had ever written the letter because she really liked having Justine as a friend and now he wasn't even that. 

Fast forward to Winter Camp at the end of January...a few of the youth kids pulled Justine aside and said..."Yo dude do you like Ella or not cuz you're kind of being a jerk!" I'm paraphrasing! :) This got Justine thinking and he realized yeah I'm not being very cool at all I should probably fix that. So on that trip they started talking again. 

Fast forward to Valentine's Day....he gave Ella a card and some chocolates! She was over the moon excited! 

They started talking again like normal after this and then one Wednesday night she came home from Youth Group so excited because Justine finally told her that he liked her too! By this point they were only seeing each other on Sunday's at church and Wednesday's at youth group. 

For the Easter Adventure at church they wanted to volunteer together so they ran the Egg Toss Game. Ella asked Justine if he had anything going on the rest of the day and he didn't so we ended up taking him home with us to hang out. 

Ella had been talking to him about sea glass and he wanted to go find some so we headed to the beach at Redondo. 

It was freezing, but I sat out there huddled under the beach blanket while they searched for sea glass.

One of the number one things that we've always told the kids is that whoever they like they have to make sure they love Jesus. I told Ella if she was serious about moving forward with Justine she would have to ask him. At first she pushed back a little and said well of course he's a Christian he goes to church. However, that's not true....I'm sure there are lots of people that are at church that haven't actually committed their lives to Jesus. So she went ahead and asked him and he said yes. 

A couple Sunday's after this Justine came over and hung out at our house again. I think it was around this time that they started texting during the week. During this whole time, Ella and I had been talking about relationships and what we were okay with and not okay with. We have open communication with our kids...we talk about everything in our house. The ground rules had already been laid stating that Justine couldn't go upstairs....they aren't going to be hanging out in her room. They can't be in a room by themselves with the door shut. There also isn't privacy at this point in regards to their text messages. I read their texts messages at the end of every day. I know that some people might think this is being a helicopter parent or too controlling, but she's my 14 year old daughter and lots of kids have gotten themselves in to sticky situations in regards to texting and she isn't going to be one of them thank you very much! 

Fast forward to Sunday, April 21st, we decided it was time to have the official "Boundaries" talk. Justine's mom had come over to pick him up so she was present as well. We had already been texting so she knew what our boundaries were and she agreed with all of them. We told the kids that if they wanted to actually date that we were okay with it, but there were going to be boundaries in place. On top of the ones I already listed we told them we were okay with them holding hands and giving hugs. That's it! No sitting in each others laps, no laying their head on each other's lap and no kissing...at least until Ella is 16. Those are our rules! We talked about how this conversation was going to be on-going and how we want them to feel comfortable talking to us. I even said that there will most likely come a time when they are irritated at the boundaries we've set and I want them to feel comfortable saying so. We'll listen to them with open ears and we can discuss why they feel the way they feel and how we're going to move forward, but for now those are our rules. One thing I've talked with Ella about in regards to not kissing until she's at least 16 is how nice it will be to take that out of the equation. There won't be that nervous feeling of...is he going to kiss me now, should I kiss him and so on. It's not an option so there's no need to worry about it. 

After we had the talk Justine's mom asked if he had anything he wanted to ask us. They are Filipino and she was insisting that he do things the Filipino way. Justine was so nervous he was like a deer in the headlights. He was trying to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it respectfully. Finally after a bit of encouragement he looked at Michael and said, "Mr. Michael" and then looked at me and said, "Miss Lyndsay can I date your daughter?" His voice ended up going up during the word 'date' and so he immediately berated himself and said, "Why did I say it like that?" 

It was so cute! Of course we said yes and then went onto to tell him that his mom has raised an upstanding young man. He's very kind and respectful and just a overall good kid. Of course he is....if he wasn't Ella wouldn't be interested in him. 

After that he and Ella went out on the deck so he could officially ask her. It took him awhile, but he finally asked, "If she would do him the greatest honor and be his girlfriend." Awww!

After they came in I got their picture. That's Justine's mom giving him bunny ears. She told him you know you can put your arm around her. 

Cuties! 

Just a few days later was Ella's choir performance on Friday, April 26th. Logan Ella's best friend and Justine got to come watch her. After her performance they weren't ready for Justine to go home so we decided to go on the hunt for some dessert to celebrate. After going to two Jack in the Box's and them not having cheesecake we decided to introduce Justine to Crumbl Cookie. 

While we waited for them to package up the cookies I snag a picture of them with Ella in her choir uniform. Justine had just cut his hair the day before and he looked so nice. He wanted to make sure to make a good impression since he was basically meeting all of Ella's friends that night. 

They love their peace signs! 

Logan was with us the whole weekend and she was completely okay with Justine coming over and hanging out on Saturday. They played pool together and we went to the park to play volleyball. 

Justine came over on Sunday afternoon as well....not only do they hang out together, but we usually end up playing some sort of game with them. I really appreciate that Justine likes to hang out with our family. One of the best things in my opinion was the fact that he was friends with the older boys first. They really like him and that speaks volumes! He also seems to be fine around Michael which is huge! 

 

This was their one week anniversary so we had to commemorate it with a picture! 

Just this last Sunday, May 5th, we were playing Five Crowns with him and I decided to take their picture. I commented on what a cute couple and showed them the picture. 

This was the picture! Haha!

Okay okay....they are a cute couple too!

Last year if you would have asked me if I would be okay with Ella dating at 14 I probably would have laughed in your face and said...NO WAY!!! This has been a really interesting process to me because it's just been lots and lots of conversations with my girl. Ella and I are closer than we ever have been...and it's having that open communication that has really made me feel okay with this. Also the fact that we set up boundaries from the beginning and they both know what we expect and they know they need to respect those rules. It also helps that neither of them have their driver's license. It's not like they can drive off alone somewhere. They are dependent on us to get them places. I have told them if they'd like to go see a movie we are okay with that, but we'll be at the movies with them....maybe not sitting right next to them, but just down the row a bit. If they want to go out to dinner we will take them and we'll just sit at another table in the restaurant. I know that some people will think we're nuts for letting our 14 year old date and then there will be other people that will think we're being overbearing with all our rules, but my response to that is...she's our kid! We know her and we are doing the best that we know how to keep her safe while at the same time allowing her to grow up a little bit at a time.