Saturday, September 22, 2018

Hard Decision!

After getting back from the Family Reunion in Oregon I felt off. I had just taken my 4 vacation days that I get for the whole year and I felt depressed. I decided to talk to Michael about it on the night of Monday, July 16th. I just poured out my heart. 

See the thing is I kept waiting to fine my normal. To find the groove between the words "working mom". To feel totally comfortable in my job at the church all the while feeling like I was totally taking care of my job as homemaker as well. 

I love my job....I'm great at my job. I enjoy working with the guys. I feel home when I'm at church. I don't want to disappoint anyone. 

But....I feel like I'm missing out. I feel like I'm the "no" mom. I'm too busy or too tired to say yes to anything. I barely feel like I'm keep my head above water in regards to keeping a clean house let alone an organized one. We don't need the money! But again I don't want to disappoint anyone. 

That was when Michael in his finest "I'm a man and I'm gonna solve this problem" skills said to me..."I think you should put in your notice" and then he promptly rolled over to go to bed.

 Dude....there is so much more to it than just saying that. There is emotion involved here!!! Then he basically said whatever decision I came to he would support me. 

That night I prayed and thought it through and when I woke up I knew what I needed to do...I needed to quit my job! 

The more I thought about it I remembered how I felt as a kid. My mom worked because she needed to so my brother and I could go to Christian school. I remember begging her to stay at home. I told her I would go to public school...I just wanted her home. Michael makes great money and we never needed more money and now that he's gotten a promotion we really don't need the money. How would I feel if 10 years from now my kids looked at me and said "I wish you could have been a stay at home mom". To think that I could and I chose not to was just too much. I need to be with me kids! 

That Monday & Tuesday my parents were watching the kids for me at our house. They got here early so we were able to chat before I had to run off. That's when I told my mom I was putting in my notice and that's when she started crying. I was taken aback..."why are you crying"? That's when mom told me that she had been praying and God had been telling her that I was supposed to be with my babies. She said we prayed for years for those babies and other people were having to watch them all summer and it wasn't right. Of course that's when I was saying..."why didn't you tell me"? If God gives you a message for someone else then you should pass that along. 

I went to work that day planning to tell Pastor Andy, but then the day got a bit crazy. Wednesday is Pastor's work from home day so the next opportunity was Thursday, July 19th . The timing of it all was such a God thing. Of course my stomach was in knots with the thought of disappointing him. That's when I got a message from a friend asking if she could come in and talk for a minute. I said yes and then I knew that couldn't talk with Pastor Andy until after she came in because I didn't want us to get interrupted. When she got there we chatted and then she let me know the reason she needed to talk. She was dealing with the same sort of situation of having to step back from her role at the church due to family. Right then I told her my news and we prayed together. Once she left my office Pastor Andy was at the reception desk working and he started chatting and she told him her news and this was his response..."'s family"! I knew that this was the perfect time to talk. After she left I just walked into his office and told him I had some news..."I'm putting in my notice". Of course he asked why and that's when I started to cry and told him my reasons. At the end of it all he told me how much he appreciated me and all the work I'd put in and that he understood and then he said, "Family's family"! 

Oh my word it makes me tear up just typing this. So much grace! 

The next week we told the guys and they were sad to hear it, but they totally understood as well. 

I decided to give 5 weeks notice. I know that sounds like an extraordinarily long time, but I knew I wanted to give as much time as I could so they would be able to find someone to replace me. Also I had a babysitter lined up for the kids and I wanted to keep my word with her so she could gain experience and earn some money. I decided that my last day would be Wednesday, August 22nd. I picked that day because the next day was when we were leaving for our vacation in Oregon so it just made sense. 

My last day of work ended up being on the same day that Ron & Brian were taking the youth kids to Wild Waves. Also since it was a Wednesday Pastor Andy would be working from home so I was going to be all by myself. I was fine with that, but then when I got into work Pastor was there. He didn't want me to be alone for my last day. So nice! He even helped me out to my van with all my boxes of personal stuff and I didn't even cry. 

This is what I posted on FB. 

Image may contain: Lyndsay Martin, smiling, stripes

First day / Last day! Both equally happy days! I loved my job, but my babies come first!!

That statement really is true. I was so happy to start working and I am so happy to be done working. Do I feel like I wasted a year by working...NO WAY! I feel like I grew and learned so much. Plus I just love serving others and when you work at a church that's what you do...serve others. :) 

 I did actually return to work for the first week in September to help train the person that took over for me, but now I'm just volunteering every Monday. 

I'm so very grateful for everything that happened this last year. I have so many wonderful memories and honestly I don't have any regrets. I feel like this was just another chapter in my story.

To celebrate my last day the kids and I stopped at 7-11 and got Slurpees on the way home. The kids they are SO happy that Mommy is a stay at home Mommy again. I'm so blessed to be able to stay at home and I will do my best to never take it for granted!