Back To The Future!

I'm not even sure where to start really! I haven't been in the mood to do anything lately so I haven't even blogged about the Museum of Flight yet. I haven't been in the mood to cook, eat, sleep or go anywhere. On Saturday I went out garage saling with friends and that was fun. I got some good deals, but I had to work myself up to going.

Mother's Day was nice...Michael made breakfast and he helped the kids make a card for me. He also made a really nice Anniversary card for me as well. I forgot to make him one! Even though it was nice at the same time it wasn't. I was sick...like sneezing, blowing my nose and coughing up junk sick, so we didn't go to church. Plus I'm just feeling blah! I know I'm depressed...I know it! I feel so lost right now.

While Jack and Ella were napping and Owen was outside playing I told Michael that I didn't really feel like celebrating Mother's Day. I know I have 3 beautiful blessings here with me now, but I also want to be pregnant! I told him it's just like that scene in Back To The Future where Marty realizes that because of something that happened in the past the future isn't future he remembered anymore...it's jaded and wrong. That's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm living a parallel life to what I should be and unlike the movie I can't go back and fix it. I can't make it right because this is my new life.

I know that I'm just grieving and it will get better and things will start to feel more normal, but right now they just feel wrong. I'm also finding it hard to deal with the fact that life is going on all around me. I think I'm going to stop check FB at all because I just end up getting grumpy. I know that everyone out there is enjoying life...as they should be, but I don't really want to read about it right now and with FB sometimes I feel bombarded by it.

Sorry that this is just ramblings. Right now I just feel like a jumbled up puzzle and I can't get the pieces to fit together.