Last Sunday we went to church...totally surprising since we were putting on Jack's birthday party that day. Normally we don't go to church when we are throwing a party the same day since we have so much stuff to get done, but not this time around. I'm thinking this FlyLady stuff is paying off. Anyways it had been a few weeks since we'd been to church...not exactly sure why, but we just hadn't been. Lazy I guess! With my mood going up and down like a roller coaster lately lets just say I haven't really felt in tune with God. After finding out Kyan had died I was totally riding on a God induced spiritual high! Then the wind in my sails started to let out and I'm gonna say I hit the ground again. I tried not to be angry at God, but I found myself getting more and more irritated thinking about Him. He would try to get my attention and I would just push Him away. Such a spoiled child right! I just didn't want to deal with Him. I want to be left alone to try and fix things myself I guess.
Then on Sunday in church I was standing there and up went my arms to praise my God and guess what...He was there...waiting! He's amazing! When I act like a spoiled little child and go sulk in a corner with my chin down and a look on my face that says don't talk to me...He is still there just waiting. He knows I'll come around and He knows I'll realize eventually that I need Him. I'm weak and He is strong!
Later on it occurred to me that my relationship with God is a lot like the game Chutes and Ladders. You know you climb up and then sometimes you hit a slide and you go back a little, but then sometimes you hit a big slide and you go almost all the way back to the beginning. Why do I let myself slide down? I wish that my relationship with Him could be more like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. You know like when you answer the first few questions you know your going home with at least a $1,000. Why can't there be guaranteed stopping points where I can't slide down further than that? Silly I know, but I wish it were true!
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